Blood Is Thicker Than Water

I’ve been super emotionally exhausted lately. Between a few extra arguments with my husband and random hate from certain people, it’s emotionally draining.

I’ve been the person that doesn’t care what people think, but family is different. Family’s views of me always mattered to me. It was always said, “Family is always there”, “Blood is thicker than water”, “Family is most important” yada, yada, yada…

There was always guilt when I favored a friend’s love over a family member’s love. However, in my adulthood, I learned the real meaning of “blood is thicker than water.” People use it to say, “family bonds are more important than bonds created with others. My sis explained that the original meaning actually means the opposite! “Blood” means “bonds”, as in “blood brothers”. “Water” means the juices you come out of the womb with”. I thought, “huh! so blood IS thicker than water!”

But before I learned that I allowed myself to endure the thoughts of family on my character. Let me just say…the judgement and hate were real…and painful. Literally listening to a long list of reasons why they think I’m a bad person; things from hearsay, from when I was 18 years old or just things that didn’t happen at all. The thing that bothers me the most is that those thoughts and feelings towards me will never change. It doesn’t matter how many conversations we have. It doesn’t matter how many apologies are given out of guilt; they will always think that lowly of me.

My mom always said, Truhlar women seem to have a hard time making and keeping friends and relationships. Oh, boy, is that true! Over the years I’ve lost so many friendships over the pettiest things. But I never realized that might happen with family relationships too. It’s a whole other ballpark of pain and anxiety. 

I’m trying to not care but it’s hard and tiering…