I Was So Hopeful

It happened again this morning… I was getting ready for church and the outfit I had picked out in my head (once again) didn’t fit right. We finally got test results back from our fertility doctor and found out that my thyroid is indeed out of whack. I started medication to fix it, switched to another doctor for more bloodwork, and started a supplment to get everything functioning correctly. I was so hopeful! Hopeful that my excruciating joint pain would finally go away; that I would be able to sleep well again and not stay in bed until 10AM; hopeful that my motivation and energy would come back; hopeful that my skin would clear up and my hair would stop falling out… But, to be honest, I was most hopeful for the weight to just magically start melting off. But, the exact opposite has happened. I weigh 190 pounds. Yes… you read that right… One Hundred Ninety pounds! I haven’t been this heavy since I gained 70 pounds with my first pregnancy! The joint pain decreased a little, and I have a little energy back. But when I try to work out, I pull my shoulder out or injure my hip joint. And to top it all off, I feel like I look awful in just about every piece of clothing I own. The doctor said to give it 90 days before we retest to make sure we’re on the right track to fix things. I feel like crap. I’ve felt this way for seven months, before we even started testing anything… and I’m just done. I was so hopeful when the thyroid issue came to light… But I am losing hope now. I want to wear leggings and big t-shirts and just not go outside of my house.