Boundaries

The word “boundaries” used to make me feel uneasy. I assumed it would be bring about certain confrontation. Establishing healthy boundaries was something I didn’t know how to do until my mid-30’s. I thought, “If I put my foot down about this and makes them uncomfortable, then I shouldn’t be doing it.” I know exactly where that framework in my mind came from, but that’s another story for another time.

In a nut-shell… I think I am a people pleaser at heart. I like seeing people happy and getting along. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to help others and make those around you happy. But, there was a huge weight that that lifted when I started setting healthy boundaries for myself.

The first time I tried it was actually a huge conversation with one of my best friends. I thought it went well, but in the end, that friend left me. Then I spent the next year reeling from the loss of that friendship. The second time I stood my ground with something was with another best friends… And my whole body was shaking on the inside. But doing it promoted growth and drew me closer to the people that I should be closer to. It also served to insert some separation with the people I needed to drift a bit away from. 

All that to say… CHRISTMAS IS COMING! It is my absolute favorite holiday! But for the longest time it brought about the most stress and chaos for me. So a few years back, we set up some boundaries. Guidelines for how we approach the holidays, splitting the holidays between families, and how we gift for the holidays. Here it is, only the beginning of November and those lines are already being pushed a bit. One quick conversation with the hubby and we were on the same page and everything is on track. I’m pleased to say that the long (and often painful) journey to learning about boundaries has paid off. And SO FAR, this holiday season has been stress free! But… it is only November!